the reappearance of an old friend

i had a fucked up dream last night.

i was visiting a reservation and was looking around one of the museums. there weren't that many visitors there, mostly people who had come to hang out and talk about the day. an item of note is that my ex, mike, was there, perusing the artifacts. not sure what that is about.

anyways, this man, short, about mid-40s with a very tanned face, comes up to me and holds a brochure up to my face. he asks if i want to go on a guided tour of a village. i politely decline as even in my dreams, i am a broke ass. he holds the glossy brochure up to my face again and says that it will be very enlightening, and he will give the tour for free since i am very earnestly interested. so, i agree. he touches my left arm, and we are transported into the middle of the desert. i can actually feel the heat and feel an arid breeze in my hair. he says that this is the village where he used to live. there are beautiful adobe houses, but there aren't any noises other than the wind. there is no one here. he says, "your friends are the reason they aren't here." even though, i argue with him that my friends would never hurt anyone or push anyone out, i cannot argue that his village is still empty. he is still surprisingly and creepily cheerful. he says that we should go in the houses as he has set up exhibits on how his people used to go about their daily lives. he points to the pottery work, various handicrafts on the walls. he says he even made adobe statues of his family, and that they are in all parts of the village.

but they aren't statues. they are slain people, slumped against the walls...wearing masks. not just any masks. they are wearing the skulls of longhorns. i can look beyond the skull and see closed eyelids. i can see blood stains on their sleeves. i tell him that these are not statues, that these are his friends, but he cannot tell the difference. at this point, i tell him that i have seen enough, and i want to leave. he grabs my arm and looks me in the eyes and says, "this will happen to your people too."

that's when i woke up.

we were hoping for a boy.

i normally only have a small window in which to write blogs about my dreams. however, last night's REM excursions almost threw my waking life off kilter so i am able to recall bits a lot more clearly than usual.

i dreamt i was pregnant. with a baby. me. pregnant. not i-took-the-test-oh-crap pregnant. we're talking glowing-with-child-pregnant. i could probably end with that because for me that idea is disturbing enough. i am pretty conscious of what my body is capable of, and i do not foresee it housing and hatching a 7lb egg. the idea of pregnancy is kind of terrifying to me. i don't exactly have a lifestyle (or funds) that is baby, child, or even other adult friendly...though, i have crossed off a lot of bad habits from my list. anyways, i digress.

in my dream, i lived in DC, which looked like downtown cleveland, with three other roommates. all of whom were fairly attractive men. none of whom knocked me up. in fact, a large part of my dream was me trying to figure out whose child i was carrying. i would walk around town with a gentle hand around my apparent swell and thinking about solving what should be an embarrasing mystery. but, i wasn't embarrassed at all. i didn't even care on a simple level. i was pretty content with my life. my boys were throwing me a baby shower (yeaaah. 3 men and a baby.). and at night, i would climb up into my bunk bed and lay next to whoever that cute roommate of mine was and we would try and guess the father's name. my baby daddy's name was never revealed. and i don't really want to know.

not sure if my dream life is trying to make a statement about my waking life. i don't think i'm a floozy, but there is a bit of truth to the 'who gives a crap' mentality that i have developed. oh, and the i-can't-remember-who-i-go-out-with-anymore mentality. and possibly the oh-i'm-fucked?-let's-eat-cake mentality. it's amusing how some dead end journeys still creep into my dreams.

when i woke up, i made sure my belly button was in upright position and here i am.

about to fall asleep and get maury to find out who my baby daddy is. haha.

zombie flu anger.

i blame resident evil
last night, i had one of the most disturbing dreams i have ever had.

my belly button fell out, and i was fighting time and disgust to try and keep it in.

that's pretty much my dream in under 20 words. i'm still in shock because it was so bizarre. for some reason, i had an outtie....that kept on popping out. much like a slinky or a stupid "can of peanuts", but you know....not fun. during my entire dream, i ran from friend to friend with a hand over my stupid belly button and tears running down my exhausted face.

when i woke up this morning, the first thing i did was to make sure my innie was still an innie. i've done some googling on the subject and found several penis enlarger ad ridden dream dictionary sites that seem to be experts on the subject (dreams, not peni). so, i'm either going to get divorced/break up with my significant other, i'm pregnant, i'm close with my mother, or i'm not connected with my natural self. considering most of these don't apply, i guess it's time to find myself. again.

don't panic, but i'm about to go apeshit over prescription drugs.
swine flu. oh my god. are you scared yet? because if you aren't, fox news has apparently not done it's job. i'm just slightly annoyed. it's important to be current on world events, but it's also pretty important that the media doesn't lose its shit when people are already anxious and seeking preventative information. however, the primary reason i'm ruffled is because the doctors or whomever who treated the five year old boy (first case in mexico) gave him amoxicillin. they gave amoxicillin to someone with the flu. what. the. fuck. a five year old, nonetheless. i have a major bone to pick with folks that prescribe antibiotics without thinking of the consequences of resistance...you know, thinking of the consequences of prescribing a drug that will have absolutely no fucking effect on some kid with the flu unless he has a concurrent infection.

i'm mostly pissed off because this reminds me of how some antibiotics, including penicillin, have zero effect on me thanks to a doctor who misdiagnosed me. for six months. when i wasn't insured. thanks, doc.

/end angry eyes and heavy breathing

let the cupcake eating ensue!!! :)