another sticky rice dream

i'm living in some suburban neighborhood, where there's a huge autumn fair that takes place. i have this delicious recipe for apple pies, but this woman takes my moleskine and tries to make sense of my scrawl so she can take the prize for blue ribbon apple pies (i know, this is already really creepy!) so this woman. is my fucking neighbor. in an ellipse shaped court. so i go next door. this lady is blonde, wearing an apron and has a dozen pies settled on this long dining room table. i snatch my moleskine from her table. she sees me and starts chasing after me with a rolling pin. the rest of my dream involves me running from this crazy bitch...climbing up houses....sidling porches...jumping into recently purchased home depot shrubs. then, i can hear her. i've almost made it back to my house (i don't know why i just didn't hope over my own fence), but she's right behind me.

so what do i do?

i jump on a slide that dumps into a pool.

full of boys.

hot, sexy, young boys.

totally hot, sexy, young, LEGALLY AGED boys.

they're kind of like 'what, what, what's this hottie doing here' and although i want to stay and chat and possibly get on the up and up with one of these gentleman...i run back to my house to jump in bed to hide from the apple pie baker.

the end.


best dreams ever.

he could not bray.

well i was younger, my mum used to bring home these really cheap vhs tapes of fairy tales. fairy tales that i don't think actually exist...fairy tales that were concocted by some dealers in some basement (also probably used for amateur porn and to house forex boxes for when the parents come over).

there was one video story about this little donkey named that couldn't bray*. his own dunkey parents were embarrassed of him because whenever he would try and bray, nothing would come out. so he was pretty much ostracized by his entire community because he couldn't do what he was meant to do. no friends! in the end, he ends up learning how to bray because there is this huge spectacle of a crappy song and dance. his dunkey parents are finally proud of the poor guy and panchito is assumed to be happy hee-hawing and bearing the burden of another species.

i'm sure movie had a lot of illegal, subliminal messages that dealt with smashing store fronts in the middle of the darkened night but i'm pretty sure all in all that story told you to start working on fitting in lest you be shamed in front of your family, your friends, youtube watchers, etc.

i didn't really learn anything from this film.

but i wonder what other kids did.



* when i was a kid, i thought that they said he couldn't 'pray'. satan's donkey.

evidence i need to stop eating sticky rice before i go to sleep

i'm half awake right now. surely, also somewhat intoxicated. and i've just woken up from the most bizarre, creepy dream i've had....in a couple days. for the most part, in this dream sequence, i was hanging out with my family. not doing much. then, the craziness ensues when in the middle of the night, i follow my cousin up the eiffel tower. she's sleepwalking or something. it's a nice night. a little breezy. i notice that there are no gates or fences or anything people walking off the side...but not until it's too late. my cousin makes a misstep...hovers for a second...looks at me...and starts falling. i can't grab her because she seriously walks about 10 feet into nowhere before she starts plummeting to her death. and the look on her face. i take the elevator all of the way down, but by the time i get there...i can see body pieces everywhere and blood is dripping from every part of the eiffel tower. and it's getting on my hoodie.

so i run inside the hotel. very careful not to look or step on my cousin's parts (which are MANY). throw my hoodie in the laundry. and pretend i'm asleep!

wth.

that is when i woke up, ironically enough. i feel so weird now. of course, i can't tell my cousin because she a) is still in middle school and b) would probably cry for days and c) would tell her parents who would tell my parents who would call me up no matter where i was and yell at me.

analyze that!