equations on restaurant napkins

Speed welcomes us in explosions of night : here
is wrath and fortitude and motion's burning :
the world buries the directionless, until
the heads are sprung in awareness or drowned in peace.
Sleep will happen. We must give them morning.

from study in a late subway by m. rukeyser







today marks four years since brandin passed away.

uneasy dreams

"So we follow our wandering paths, and the very darkness acts as our guide, and our doubts serve to reassure us."
: Jean-Pierre de Caussade

this is how the birthday went...

ready, set, go...

butt. can you pretend that you love me? scoot your butt over. oh that really is a banana! we forgot the snacks on the table! pull over, i need pretzels stat! bartender, today is her birthday and she will have whatever is left over in that tray over there. asian blush, it's go time! neutral milk hotel is coming out with a new album! butt. oooh! you're so svelte! wait...yes! svelte! can we double team you? driving through pa gives me the creeps; i think the yeti lives here. how do you spell philadelphia? i haven't vomited yet! more pretzels! more whiskey! butt. get in the pool. speedos with holes. shiny asses. ear nibbling is what people do for fun.

good times three nights in a row. thanks, yalls.
the most pbr i've had in years. :P

c'est vrai

Now we the American working population
Hate the fact that eight hours a day
Is wasted on chasing the dream of someone that isn't us
And we may not hate our jobs
But we hate jobs in general
That don't have to do with fighting our own causes

aesop rock : 9-5ers anthem

i did not choo choo choose this!

NOOOOOOOOOO!
the last monday of every month is when i divvy out the dough for bills. to my horror, this past monday, i noticed that about 360 buckaroos were withdrawn from my account for a united air ticket. i've never flown united. i actually haven't flown anywhere since last july. so, i called the fraud department at my bank, and they are going to send out their investigators (woo woo.) to figure it out. they temporarily credited my account so yadda yadda yadda.

so, a few days pass, and lo and behold, two delta tickets and another united ticket were purchased...for a total of over $1200. so a little over $1500 was taken for a vacation that i wasn't taking. greedy buttholes.

so, yeah. it's not that interesting. i'm just annoyed that i have to spend my saturday morning at the bank (UGH), cleaning up after a sloppy thief (um...who buys plane tickets with a stolen card number?!? i mean, they'll have names on the boarding passes!!!!).

YESSSSSSS!!!!
- so, i'm not too fond of my neighbors. they always complain about how i mow their part of the lawn and screw up the grass height. that isn't a hyperbole either. they ALWAYS complain about that. so i did what any gardening chick would do....i threw fistfuls of wildflower seeds all over their lawn. muahahaha...
- currently, my cousins, bro, and i are planning a trip (kinda futuristically since butthole thieves keep hanging around my bank account :P) to go trekking and spelunking in sagada. (umm..many sagada cave entrances are where the hanging coffins are....and the bones of the deceased.)
i'll probably lose my shit because i'll be thinking of every zombie/famished creature/cave movie i've ever seen whilst propelling myself further into a cave where there are probably zombies/famished creatures/things waiting for me? it is going to be awesome.

well, it's almost 3a.

i'm wide awake, but need to go to sleep...so i'm going to break out confederacy of dunces for the 2342394th time and slug my way closer to the finish line. bon soir, mes amis.

quotation mark quotation mark

"You know that stage when girls first get out of college and they start posing for photo shoots and having corny art shows and drinking lots of cheap beer? If you have a camera and not a ton of game this is your 15 minutes. Don’t waste it." - vice

we were hoping for a boy.

i normally only have a small window in which to write blogs about my dreams. however, last night's REM excursions almost threw my waking life off kilter so i am able to recall bits a lot more clearly than usual.

i dreamt i was pregnant. with a baby. me. pregnant. not i-took-the-test-oh-crap pregnant. we're talking glowing-with-child-pregnant. i could probably end with that because for me that idea is disturbing enough. i am pretty conscious of what my body is capable of, and i do not foresee it housing and hatching a 7lb egg. the idea of pregnancy is kind of terrifying to me. i don't exactly have a lifestyle (or funds) that is baby, child, or even other adult friendly...though, i have crossed off a lot of bad habits from my list. anyways, i digress.

in my dream, i lived in DC, which looked like downtown cleveland, with three other roommates. all of whom were fairly attractive men. none of whom knocked me up. in fact, a large part of my dream was me trying to figure out whose child i was carrying. i would walk around town with a gentle hand around my apparent swell and thinking about solving what should be an embarrasing mystery. but, i wasn't embarrassed at all. i didn't even care on a simple level. i was pretty content with my life. my boys were throwing me a baby shower (yeaaah. 3 men and a baby.). and at night, i would climb up into my bunk bed and lay next to whoever that cute roommate of mine was and we would try and guess the father's name. my baby daddy's name was never revealed. and i don't really want to know.

not sure if my dream life is trying to make a statement about my waking life. i don't think i'm a floozy, but there is a bit of truth to the 'who gives a crap' mentality that i have developed. oh, and the i-can't-remember-who-i-go-out-with-anymore mentality. and possibly the oh-i'm-fucked?-let's-eat-cake mentality. it's amusing how some dead end journeys still creep into my dreams.

when i woke up, i made sure my belly button was in upright position and here i am.

about to fall asleep and get maury to find out who my baby daddy is. haha.